


Turn the Dials with Careful Calculation

by itsavolcano



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, post-Framework speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 09:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10591500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsavolcano/pseuds/itsavolcano
Summary: Written for Anon who requested "If you don't rest, you'll never heal." Pure speculation with vague spoilers up through 4x16.





	

When she woke up, his side of the bed was cold — so cold and crisp it seemed he didn’t sleep at all last night. Again. No doubt he thought she doesn’t notice, that she couldn’t see through his guise of coming in late and getting up early. But she knew better than anyone what it was like to have a mind so plagued with regrets that sleep became impossible. She knew what it was like to yearn for normalcy while not wanting to burden those closest who were also processing trauma. 

When she was at her lowest, after returning from Maveth, Fitz was at her side. He’d coaxed her into confiding in him, and she did, even though she knew it would break his heart. Because before they were toying with the idea of building their relationship into something more, they were two young geniuses facing a future of innumerable possibilities and who wanted nothing more than to share it together. 

After she’d finally told him the full story of her time on Maveth, he hadn’t abandoned her. Instead, he’d stood by her, sought the answers to questions she’d barely formed. Twice, he’d jumped through a hole in the universe for her. In turn, she would now do whatever necessary to remind him of that man, and to stand by him as steadfastly as he’d stood next to her all those months. 

Pulling herself from the cooling sheets, Jemma reached for her nearby robe and slippers. The others might be awake, but she doubted they’d be out of their respective bunks and she didn’t want to waste anymore time changing out of her pajamas. She needed to find Fitz.

It’s been four days since she pulled him out of the Framework, since she pressed her mouth to his and woke him with a kiss. The Framework construction, if it were to be a fairytale, was decidedly more Grimm than Disney, with its grotesque alterations of her teammates and their world. 

Waking Fitz from the horrors of a world built by Hydra, a world where he was second-in-command of the eradication of Inhumans, had been one of the most difficult experiences of her life. He had looked at her with eyes as dark as the stone that had swallowed her up and tossed her across the galaxy. Lost were the vibrant blue eyes, alert and playful. And his hair… she’d known it was just ones and zeroes, but she wanted to reach up and run her hands through it, to mess it up, to unstick what little curl he had left. 

He’d looked nothing like her Fitz and yet he  _ was  _ Fitz, with his hands on his hips, the impatient tick of his jaw. This man, however, had a palpable anger. Of course, Jemma rationalized, that was to be expected since he was so entrenched in Hydra; however, there had been a tang of something else… as if what was vibrant and passionate in Fitz had not been given the appropriate outlet in the Framework and the coding translated it into repressed anger. 

Her Fitz was quick to temper, to fiery outbursts symptomatic of a compassionate heart that felt everything so acutely. The man in the Framework, however, had not been permitted to feel anything and it showed in the precise way he carried himself, in the cutting words that spilled from his mouth. It simultaneously sent chills down her spine and made her heart ache. 

Rounding the corner of the long corridor, Jemma shook the memories of that other man from her mind — he was nothing more than corrupted code. Here, she thought as her eyes lighted on Fitz leaning against the window outside the director’s office, was the man she loved. She paused and made note of his slumped posture, his arms hugging around his middle like he was struggling to keep himself upright. No doubt he was, considering he hadn’t slept well in days — possibly weeks, really. 

As she padded closer, he tipped his head to the side, acknowledging her presence but failing to meet her eyes. The memory of the shy, introverted boy she’d met at the Academy bolted through her so quickly it practically knocked the air out of her lungs. She forced the pang of tears down and instead pressed a gentle hand to his shoulder, the lean muscles under her fingertips contracting and then relaxing. 

He was studying the sunrise beyond the window but Jemma knew his mind was elsewhere. She ran the backs of her fingers against his jaw and he caught her hand, giving it a soft squeeze before folding it into the crook of his arm. He took a deep breath and she waited, knowing he was still processing recent events — both of this world and the Framework. After a moment, he licked his dry lips.

“I’ve given it some thought and… I don’t think I can do this anymore, Jemma,” he whispered, as if he thought the admission would break her, would ruin what he thought was left of them. He continued, seemingly afraid to pause for a moment, afraid of what she’d say if given the chance, “I can’t… I can’t… It’s like you said the other day: if I don’t rest, I won’t heal. But it’s impossible to rest in this place.  _ Everything  _ is broken.”

He gestured vaguely to the boarded up walls and busted metal ducts from the LMD attack but she knew he meant more than that. Their teammates were shells of the people they’d once been, and while time would heal their physical wounds, the psychological trauma ran much deeper — they’d all been confronted with their biggest regret and its far-reaching impact.

“I think,” he paused, absently pressing his hand against her fingers — _ was he afraid she’d disappear? _ _ — _ before continuing, “I think I need to leave SHIELD. Not forever… I hope. Just for a little bit, to get my head on straight. I need to be above ground for a spell.” She opened her mouth to speak but he practically bulldozed right past.  “But I know you love it here so of course I don’t expect you to come with me. It probably won’t be that long, and I’ll come back to you, Jemma, you don’t have to worry about th — ”

She dropped her hand from his arm and he stopped, finally looking at her with eyes full of fear. 

“Fitz,” she started, her cool hands framing either side of his face, drawing him down to look at her, “do you honestly think I’d let you go anywhere without me? You want a break, we’ll take a break. Easy as that. Yes, I love working for SHIELD — when things aren’t going terribly pear-shaped, which seems to be few and far between, honestly. But I love you  _ more _ . You followed me into this adventure in the first place, I think it’s only fair you plan our next adventure. I promise you this much, I’ll follow you wherever it may be.” 

She leaned up and brushed a soft kiss to his lips, felt him come alive under her caress. Then, leaning back, she watched as his brow creased in thought — but this time his expression seemed less haunted and more hopeful. 

“Perthshire?” he offered before tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. She couldn’t bite back her smile.

“Perthshire,” she agreed with a nod before tucking her head against his chest and watching the sunlight cast hues of pink and purple over the horizon. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Venus" by Sleeping at Last. Thanks to dilkirani for the beta!


End file.
